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Vermin Speaks |
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Reprinted from mOthEr rOck #12 
When I think of John "Vermin" Sherman, I think of several things: hard core bouldering, a sarcastic and dark sense of humor, and even darker beer. Since his sarcastic humor is well known through his own prolific writings, and he's done way too many interviews about climbing, I decided to tap the unknown so to speak and ask the probing questions no other interviewer has had the balls to ask, such as: what kind of beer does Vermin drink? mOthEr rOck: When did you start climbing, and were you already drinking beer at the time? Vermin: 1975. I was 15 and had been drinking beer since 1972-73 when I spent a year in Switzerland. (This doesn't count the time I was around 10 years old at my cousin's wedding, washing down allergy pills with lots of champagne punch. That was the first good buzz I remember. The last good buzz was... I can't remember.) I was pretty buzzed when I did my first rappel. Back in those days a quart of Miller on an empty stomach did the trick, but my standards soon raised. My friend Craig--we called him Keg--shoved me in the chest to get me to lean back as I went over the edge for the first time. It worked. Anyway, climbing was a good sport for a budding lush--I met lots of partners who were old enough to buy me beer. When I finally turned 21, I realized that climbing was pretty cool in its own right, so I kept doing it. mOthEr: I've heard you've climbed in France. Is the beer any good there? Vermin: What lying sack of shit told you that? Any fool knows the French can't brew beer. Hence, I have never climbed in France. Fisher Amber imparts a quick buzz, but I think it's more from the formaldehyde than the alcohol. Either way, it's a bad hangover. I can only recommend it if you're collecting swingtop bottles for home brewing. mOthEr: What's the best boulder problem you've ever done that was named after a beer? Vermin: The best beer climbs are actually ice climbs, not boulder problems. These are of course the famous "beer climbs" near Field in Canada. "Guinness Gully," "Carlsberg Column," "Pilsner Pillar," and "Super Bock." All are superb. "40 oz. King" in the Gymnasium at Hueco is probably the best boulder problem named after the worst beer, though, of the ethnic malt liquors, I must say King Cobra is my favorite. I don't believe "King Cobra" (behind Camp 4 in Yosemite) was named after the beer, and besides, I haven't done that one. "The Tall Cool Red One" (also at Hueco) is one of the finest problems I've ever done. It's not actually named after a beer, but after the red-headed bikini model in a Killian's poster. An interesting undercling move down low, followed by a wild lunge for a sloping jug two-thirds of the way up, and topped out with beautiful face moves. Nothing could be finer. mOthEr: What's the closest brewpub to Hueco? Vermin: I haven't been to Hueco in almost two years. At that time Jaxon's at Viscount and Airway had just turned into an insta-brewpub. Unfortunately, most popular brewpubs sell their beer so quickly that it doesn't have time to mature. It tastes green, but faux beer snobs buy it anyway and it's all gone before it can be its best. There simply isn't enough storage capacity at the average brewpub to avert this. mOthEr: If you were a beer, would you be a red, a porter, a pilsner, or something else? Vermin: I can't admit to being any of the beers I truly admire. Of course we all want to be something we aren't. During the glory days at Hueco I would have been a mass-marketed American malt liquor--strong as shit, available only as tall boys, and full of poor taste. Lately, I resemble a stout, and since my fucked-up surgery has left me crippled, I'm so weak I'd have to be an Eddie McStiff 3.2 stout, looks like the real thing until I shudder to think of the taste. Someday I may realize my high-altitude ambitions and become a porter. mOthEr: What's better for building bouldering strength--fingertip pull-ups or 12 oz. curls? Vermin: I don't know. I never tried fingertip pull-ups. mOthEr: Can you reccommend a good beer for our loyal readers? Vermin: You owe it to yourself to go down to the liquor store and get a bottle of La Fin Du Monde. This is French Canadian beer out of Quebec. The fine effervescence of a champagne coupled with the light fruitiness of a wheat beer and the punch of George Foreman. This could be the best beer ever brewed. Moreover, taken in proper doses it can cause visions. I'd tell you more, but I'm still waiting for the statute of limitations to expire. Lest you think I'm a trendy beer snob, I was drinking La Fin Du Monde long before it won the platinum medal at the world beer championships. Why it took the judges so long to clue in, I don't know. While you're at the store, pick up some Old Rasputin Stout as well. mOthEr: What advice would you give a young climber who is redpointing 5.11c and toying with alcoholism? Vermin: Stick to Shirley Temples. Redpointing is for sissies. Real climbers start from the ground up every time placing their own gear. None of that hangdogging crap. mOthEr: Tell me about your most intense beer-related epic. Vermin: Must be when I did The Shield with E. We had a great plan to celebrate my birthday on Mammoth Terraces. Mucho beer was bought and we had people lined up to jug up to Mammoth with all our gear, in exchange for drinking privileges and the chance to die rappelling back down drunk. Problem was we were shy a haul bag to do the route with. By the time we scrounged one up, all the beer was gone. We actually climbed the wall without beer--this seems hard to believe, but it's true. When we reached the East Ledges, it appeared we might miss last call at the MR Bar. Hence, we left our gear on top, fixed the raps, and sped down. The next morning my hands were swollen like bunches of bananas, my feet blistered raw and oozing, and my head felt like the bleachers at Mile High Stadium with a sell-out crowd pounding out "We Will Rock You" with their feet. Pig Ranger (Ed. no relation) woke me, then tried to bust me, then I had to jug back up the East Ledges to retrieve gear. I have never set out on another multi-day wall without beer since. mOthEr: Looking back on your long and distinguished career, hindsight being 20/20, would you drink any differently? Vermin: I would have you ship me a case of good beer before I answer any more questions. John Sherman's book "Sherman Exposed: Slightly Censored Climbing Stories" 
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